Toxic Love Relationship

A toxic love relationship often occurs because one or both of the partners were raised in a similar relationship environment, it was the 'model' they were 'given' when young which would have made a psychological impression on them. They may be completely unconscious of this impression and therefore may see their relationship as 'normal'.

It is very important when embarking on a relationship that right from the start you understand what type of person you are sharing yourself with. Don't presume that they are all that you hope they will be. A really smart move would be to find out what their beliefs and feeling are on a vast array of subjects. If they are unwilling to share this information with you then you have some warning bells to consider, you may be heading into a toxic love relationship.

Personally I would strongly recommend that you invest in a copy of a book called 1000 Questions For Couples by Michael Webb.It has hundreds of questions divided into over 20 categories for you and your partner to consider together. This way you can avoid being unconsciously drawn into a toxic love relationship.

A toxic love relationship has a repetitive pattern which isn't always easy to spot. As in the beginning of most relationships there is a happy elated period of time where you both enjoy each other and are caring, considerate and loving with one another.

With a healthy, non-toxic love relationship, once the 'honeymoon' period fizzles out a couple begin to develop a much deeper type of love for each other. As they each learn more about their partner and experience them in different situations they get to know them in more meaningful ways and learn to respect them. This is the point at which a toxic love relationship can first be detected if a person is aware of the possibility of such a partnership.

In a balanced healthy relationship, there will be times from now on when one or other of the couple will feel 'tested' by their partner's behavior or attitude. As it is a loving non-toxic love relationship the couple will be able to resolve their differences in a mutually beneficial way. Each one will want the other to be happy and each will feel unhappy themselves if their partner is miserable.

In a toxic love relationship, when this 'second' stage begins and there is contention in a particular area of the partnership, one of the partners will usually emerge as the controller of the relationship and therefore the other will feel forced into submission.

This is the time to exit the relationship! Amazingly though, a lot of people do not take the cue and a pattern develops:- Honeymoon period - Blow-up - reconciliation - back to honeymoon period, and so on. Awareness of this pattern is a big step towards identifying a toxic love relationship.

One of the reasons that a reconciliation occurs in a toxic love relationship, is that the 'controller' wants to rekindle the wonderful feeling they had in the initial stages when their partner felt more free and happy. Their partner also wants to re-experience that special time, so they both 'allow' the relationship to take a step back and everything seems wonderful again.

One reason why this kind of set up is described as a toxic love relationship, is that the same pattern continually emerges. The couple have to keep experiencing misery and fear and confusion over and over. Each time they make no actual progress because the only way they know to stop the bad feeling is to go backwards. There can be no real learning if a person or couple continually go over the same infertile ground, therefore happiness is rare in a toxic love relationship as neither partner learns how to correctly treat the other.

In a 'normal' healthy relationship the couple is continually learning about themselves and each other. Therefore they are constantly taking their relationship to new heights and their love and respect for each other and themselves can only grow deeper and stronger - this never happens in a toxic love relationship!

This is a complicated and delicate subject which requires much exploration and understanding. With this in mind I will be updating this article on a regular basis. Please feel free to bookmark this page for easy access to my ongoing information and advice about the toxic love relationship.