Toxic Love

Toxic Love is something that people in relationships seem loathed to think about. In fact most people would hate to admit that their relationship could possibly be unhealthy in any way. This is most likely because they feel this may suggest that there is something unhealthy about them as individuals because they have somehow created a toxic love and that is never a very welcome thought.

However, some relationships are very unhealthy, therefore they are damaging to the individual partners and the whole family if there are children involved. Toxic love can be difficult to diagnose and it requires courage, sincerity and strength to recognise and remedy.

I strongly recommend that you check out1000 Questions For Couplesa book by Michael Webb. It's a good place to start exploring your knowledge of yourself and your partner, to enable you to determine whether your relationship needs strengthening and in what directions.

Signs of Toxic Love:-

1) If you have changed certain things about yourself only to please your partner but not yourself this may be unhealthy especially if you partner has insisted on these changes and you are afraid to 'defy' them.

For instance, it is a sign of a toxic love if your partner has actually told you that you must have a certain hair-style from now on as it is the only one that 'suits' you. You were happy with another style and wanted to keep it but they have put pressure on you to change.

This may sound very tame and seem to be a small thing to be getting suspicious over, and on the one hand I could quite agree with you. But it is not the example per se that we should be concentrating on here but the attitude of the insisting partner. If there is an inferred 'penalty' or consequence to your ignoring their 'request' then this is a sign of toxic love.

2) Your partner may try to make you totally dependent on them. For instance you may have no access to banking information and cash except through your partner. The does seem to be a sign of toxic love. Now they may tell you that this is for your own good and that you should thank them as it will save you a lot of 'headaches' balancing accounts etc. The clue here would be if you feel worried about challenging them on their decisions and whether they are prepared to discuss the situation with you in a calm and friendly manner.

Now this could be a sign of toxic love if they say that whenever you need anything you have only to ask them and they will take care of the financing etc., but when you do go to them with a request for money they make the decision as to whether you really need to spend the money on whatever it is you require, making you feel unloved and dependent - like a child.

3) Another sign of dependency creation or toxic love, is that your partner may insist on picking you up and dropping you off wherever you need to go setting time limits on your activities, making you dependant on them for your freedom. The 'giveaway' here is whether you feel you have any choice in the matter, is your partner just being very helpful and caring? Do you feel you can decline their offer and make your own arrangements without some payback or bad feelings? If not this is definitely a sign of toxic love.

Toxic love/relationships part three.